During the module we also looked at the issue of stalking, and during the discussion found that individuals in the group differed on their opinion as to what exactly constitutes stalking. Personally i would define someone as a stalker if their obsession with another becomes their sole focus in life, to the detriment of all other areas, and/or their behaviour is making somebody uncomfortable.
I think for most of us, we know what behaviours are considered healthy and socially acceptable, and we learn what is considered to be 'crossing the line'. I do think there is a difference between people who are aware that their behaviour is unhealthy, and those that cannot see their behaviour is wrong, however i think both could fall into the stalker camp.
With regards to my own experiences of stalking...
I can think of a few people who have made me feel very uncomfortable, but i cant think of myself as being that special to warrant a stalker haha.
From the age of fourteen i lived by myself. The lack of parental restrictions imposed on most other people my age meant that i was free to go to clubs until silly o'clock in the morning. During one night out I met a guy who we will call....James. At the time i was 16. He began talking to me and out of politeness i chatted back. To this day i am unable to be rude and tell people to go away, so when i made my excuses to leave and he asked for my number, i didn't have the heart to say no, thinking in my head that he would probably forget about me in the morning. No sooner than i had walked back to my group of friends, i had a text message. Immediately i felt uneasy. I didn't respond to the message, or the five that followed.
The night came to an end and i went to get a taxi. Another message. "Look behind you." I did and surprise surprise there he stood grinning. I smiled politely and decided to wait inside the taxi office.
The next day I woke to more messages wishing me a good morning, the constant pet names ''sleepy head'' and ''sweetie'' made me cringe. I went to my history class at college and put my phone on silent mode, i expected a few texts and maybe a missed call by the time the lesson was up, but even i was surprised to see '47 missed calls' - in an hour and a half?!
There was also numerous text messages, one most memorable that said - ''I have to see you soon. I have made a CD just for you sweetie xxx''. That was a red flag if ever I've seen one! However more worrying were the messages that said he had got out of work early so that he could drive me home and was waiting outside college for me. To be honest i didn't really remember mentioning college to him the night before, unfortunately for me he obviously did.
I felt very uncomfortable and despite having the ''i can look after myself'' attitude that most young girls tend to have, i didn't want to be alone with him, particularly seen as it was evident through the following messages that he was becoming increasingly annoyed that i was not responding to him.
Luckily for me one of the closest friends i had made since starting college just happened to be a big body builder named Matt. He lead me through the back exit of the building and walked me home.
Over the next few days the messages continued. After a week i received a message along the lines of ''if i don't get in touch with you soon its because I'm going to hospital, i need an urgent operation on my heart, wish me luck''. Being 99% sure it was a ploy to get me to talk to him, i still couldn't help myself from replying ''i wish you the best of health'', after which he confirmed my suspicions by replying that he was fine and why i never answered his calls. I put it bluntly and said that he made me feel uncomfortable. He apologised and said he would leave me alone. He didn't, but the texts did slow down and eventually stopped. I can only assume that he got bored and transferred his affections to somebody else.
The experience shocked me for many reasons. Firstly I didn't think that i would ever find myself in a situation like that as i was under the impression that 'stalkers' were reserved for the rich and famous, for example the lovely Tyra Banks: http://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=4515997&page=1 As many other members of the group have pointed out in their blogs, stalkers are more often than not, not crazy fans, but ex partners or relatives of the person they are obsessed with.
This is extremely scary as if somebody i had only had one conversation with could cause so much uncomfort, i cant imagine what they could do with intimate details of my life, as well as addresses and phone numbers.
I also found it hard to contemplate that somebody would pursue someone off the back of a minor encounter.
In my case it worked out fine and i don't feel the experience with 'James' had any lasting negative effects on me, if anything it just added to my life experience and street smarts, but i can definately empathise with those who are subjected to more extreme forms of stalking.
but not for her...?
