What kinds of 'being bad' are involved in infidelity?
lying?
scheming/ being calculating?
keeping up false appearances?
selfishness?
hypocrisy?
taking risks?
using others vulnerabilities to our own advantages?
being weak IE. giving in to temptation and desires?
What do you consider infidelity to be?
talking romantically/sexually with somebody online?
a friendship with somebody of the opposite sex?
fantasising/ having romantic feelings for someone besides your partner?
sexual contact or intercourse with somebody other than your partner?
a kiss?
Personally, all of the bullet points listed under 'What kinds of 'being bad' are involved in infidelity', i would agree with.
Infidelity is defined in the dictionary as the following-
Dictionary - infidelity - 3 entries.1.Noun - Want of faith or belief in some religious system; especially, a want of faith in, or disbelief of, the inspiration of the Scriptures, of the divine origin of Christianity. 2.Noun - Unfaithfulness to the marriage vow or contract; violation of the marriage covenant by adultery.3.Noun - Breach of trust; unfaithfulness to a charge, or to moral obligation; treachery; deceit; as, the infidelity of a servant.
Definition 2 would suggest that infidelity is only capable of being committed within a marriage, and i know of a few people who share those sentiments, that it is okay to be promiscuous outside of a marriage but once married it is no longer acceptable. My thoughts on this are that if you are comfortable with the guilt and possible conflicting of pain on a partner, and are used to having your cake and eating it prior to marriage, you won't change just because you make a partner your husband or wife.
The third definition includes 'unfaithfulness to a moral obligation', which would suggest that it is up to the individual to decide what their moral obligation(s) is/are before they can determine what is deemed as infidelity.
My own feelings regarding infidelity is that although we sometimes can not help having thoughts or feelings about someone whilst in a relationship with another, we can decide how we act or respond to those thoughts or feelings.
I would consider any physical contact between my partner and somebody else, for example a kiss, as being unfaithful. Circumstances such as my partner say dancing provocatively with somebody else, i wouldn't consider as them being unfaithful, but it would lead me to question their faithfulness and intentions and lead to a break up of the relationship anyway. Similarly, if a partner confessed to having romantic feelings for somebody else, i wouldn't say they had committed infidelity, but i would feel betrayed and see it as a sign of a something wrong in the relationship, again leading to a break up.
Overall I think it is extremely important to discuss boundaries and expectations when going into a relationship with another.
An interesting list of statistics concerning infidelity rates and peoples definitions of infidelity - http://www.menstuff.org/issues/byissue/infidelitystats.html
Kimberley
No comments:
Post a Comment