Farewell

I thought I would write a quick and final post summarising what i have learnt from the Being Bad lectures.

The first thing i learnt was that i was shockingly naive in terms of numbers and percentages. When we were asked to write down anonymous confessions which would later be read out and posted online, I expected only a few. I could not believe how many people admitted to cheating on their partners, in some cases with close friends! and the firework through the letterbox i still cant get over. It really made me sad. I had always thought the majority of people were faithful and the unfaithful were the minority. Unfortunately it is the other way round.

Something else that made me sad was that many people found things they had done that hurt other people funny, and something that made me...frustrated, was the amount of people talking through out the lectures, no matter how many times i turned around and gave them a 'be quiet' look haha.

I picked up a lot of information just from reading blogs, for example i had no idea that Robin Hood apparently robbed from the poor and gave to the poorer, instead of robbing from the rich to give to the poor. I also had no clue that there is research being conducted into whether or not the effects of passive smoking even exist!

http://sin-city-being-bad.blogspot.com/2008/04/smoking-part-2.html

Something else i found that i hadn't expected is that even when i have completely different views on almost everything to another individual, we can still find things in common.

The most revealing lecture was the Drugs lecture, and not just because i discovered the truth about talcum powder. I have never even seen a drug, you could literally put a cannabis plant in my garden and i would think it was a herb! Even when everybody else is saying "I can smell weed", i can't smell anything. I picked up a lot about the different kinds of drugs and how they are used within the forces.

Overall, the course has been an eye-opening and thought provoking experience and probably my favourite this term.

Kimberley xX

Sticks & Stones

I think that most of us experience bullying at some point in our life, whether it be in the playground, the workplace, at home or in a relationship. No matter where it takes place or at whose hands, it is always cruel and can greatly effect a persons self- worth and their perception of themselves.

The reason i am in university is so that i can get a degree and eventually a position as a primary school teacher. I'm sure i will witness lots of teasing if if I'm successful in reaching my goal of teaching young children. I hope that i can teach my pupils the right way to treat each other, and the real reasons that people bully others. Although ideally they will already have learnt this through their home life, that isn't always the case. I also hope that anybody being bullied will feel they can easily confide me, ad that i can not only resolve the bullying but also the reasons the bully feels the need to pick on others.

The term Bullycide has been created as a result of the increased number of suicides due to bullying. http://www.overcomebullying.org/bullycide.html

When i was younger i was quiet and chubby, so i was often put down by my peers. I think experiencing bullying allows you to relate to others who are or have gone through it, and makes you a more compassionate individual.

I often get nasty looks from women in the street, and people tend to form opinions of me before they have even spoken to me. There is a real perception that models are stuck up and arrogant, and any women who emits an air of confidence is regularly condemned as being full of herself.

I feel that living by myself since i was fourteen when my parents divorced, really helped me discover who i really am. As a result of this i know my good points and i know my bad points very very well. Being comfortable with yourself means you are less likely to be affected by peoples negative attitude or behaviour towards you. I know that if somebody took the time to talk to me, they would realise that i am a nice person and i don't think overly high of myself.

To be honest it does not bother me when women glance daggers in my direction, as i know that it is them with the problem. If i am totally honest...i sometimes enjoy it.

Anybody who behaves derogatory to you sees something in you that they lack themselves, or is transferring their own insecurities onto you. For these reasons i would say that there is nothing to be said for the behaviour as it not only makes somebody else feel victimised, but it doesn't relieve the issues the bully has with themselves.

Be nice to people, a smile doesn't cost anything!

Cruelty to Animals.

Through out the course we have been asked to look closely at behaviour that is often classed at bad and to ask ourselves regardless of whether we do or have behaved in such a way, is there anything to be said for it and why do people do it at all.

There are certain things that although i choose not to do, i can see reasons that others might.
For example, smoking. Whilst to me the overwhelming health consequences and downhill effects on appearance, make smoking a major no no, i understand that to some smoking is very relaxing and often social.
In fact for the most part, even when i despise the behaviour, i can see reasons why people behave 'badly', with regards to most topics we discuss in class.

However, something that i just cannot fathom, is cruelty to animals. What pleasure can be gained from setting alight an innocent dog, and how on earth can strapping fireworks to kittens and then setting them off ever be funny?

I guess you could call me an animal lover. Ive been vegetarian since i was seven, adopt cats from the Cats Protection ( http://www.cats.org.uk/ ) and refuse to visit countries associated with bear dancing, but to be honest i don't think this has any baring on my feelings about animal cruelty. Anybody who willingly hurts an animal or finds it funny, is a very sick person. I don't like to wish ill on anybody but when it comes to animal abusers i have my fingers extra crossed that karma exists.

I didn't want to put any photographs of abused animals in this post, as it breaks my heart to look at them. The good thing about the Internet is that there is so much information available to us, but the bad thing is that the information isn't always pleasant to take in.

Here are some links (graphic images)
http://www.all-creatures.org/anex/cat-abuse-13.html
http://www.all-creatures.org/anex/dog-sport-23.html

~*~ My cat Merlin ~*~

Comments...

I've left quite a few comments all over the place, but this is the fifth comment i am logging...

https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=2114021100269814209&postID=3954301384673909021&page=1

RE; retro chicks (http://retrochik.blogspot.com/) post, 'A body to die for'

http://retrochik.blogspot.com/2008/05/body-to-die-for.html

"I too had issues with food and have come across some of these sites before. The person who commented that it would be ridiculous to shut down the sites because the individual is responsible for what they view online, is clearly missing a major point. People in the grips of these disorders or those in the mindset where they could fall victim, are not thinking rationally. If they were they wouldnt be willingly starving themselves.In my experience the best aid for recovery is being surrounded by people with a healthy attitude to food. I know for a fact those sites include 'tips' on starving and purging, and that members encourage and 'support' each other in their quests to be skin and bone."

Being too religious...

For some reason I don't want to say too much on the topic of religion, perhaps it is because my own religion is something quite private to me. If anybody wanted to ask me about my faith then i would happily answer any questions, but it is not something i go out of my way to talk about.

I was christened at a young age and of course studied 'Religious Studies' through out primary and secondary schools. However it wasn't up until a few years ago that i really found where i stood with regards to religion. Personally, i believe that as long as i don't do to others what i wouldn't want someone to do to me, then i am staying true to my faith. I don't smoke, have never been unfaithful or stolen, and seldom drink, anything else i do, i believe that as long as i have a clear conscience and know my good intentions, i am OK. For example, sex before marriage. Basically, if i am at peace with myself then so will God be.

I think religion should be open to interpretation by the individual, and so to me, being too religious is when somebody tries to force their interpretation on others. I do not mean people who preach in town centres, i believe in freedom of speech, but more the people who condemn others for not following the same lifestyles as themselves.

Watch the episode of 'Am I Normal' on Religion, through BBCi Player..

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/page/item/b00b6vjz.shtml?src=ip_mp

Make drugs legal??

Something else we discussed in class that I wanted to address was the idea of making drugs legal. Some members of the group felt that legalising drugs was a good idea and argued that as well as discouraging people from taking drugs, the move would also make drugs safer and reduce drug related deaths.



My opinion on this is that it is a bad idea. I think that people always want things as cheap and easy as they can get them, so the underground drug dealers would remain even after legalising drugs. For example, DVDs and Cd's are available for us to buy, yet millions download them free or buy them for a fraction of the price from people selling them illegally.




I also think that legalising drugs would send out the wrong message, especially to the youth of today. It would basically be saying that society has given the go ahead to taking drugs.



Debate the topic 'Should we legalise drugs?' here - http://comment.ft.com/2/OpenTopic?q=Y&a=tpc&s=646099322&f=141094803&m=4091077351

Our lecture on drugs

Besides the shock of discovering talcum powder is poisoness, there were a few other things that stood out to me in the lecture..


"Being in a state of total sobriety is unnatural" - At first this statement really confused me, I thought how can being alcohol and drug free be unnatural? and then i thought that maybe Gerry was referring to things like sugar or caffeine that we take in through food and drink. Could sugar and caffeine be classed as drugs? - They do both fall into the category of a 'substance that, when absorbed into the body of a living organism, alters normal bodily function'.





When researching the effects of sugar i came across a list of an astonishing 146 Reasons Sugar is Ruining our health - http://www.rheumatic.org/sugar.htm


I drink Red Bull from once a fortnight to every day in a week! I do worry about diabetes, but i do not think of the sugar and caffeine laced drink as being a drug.


The other thing that surprised me was that upon hearing the descriptions of the effects of LSD, I actually became a little curious. Having never taken drugs or tried smoking, and being proud of that fact, I was quite annoyed with myself. I like to think of myself as an artistic and creative person, and my favourite toy as a child was my kaleidoscope. The hallucinations we discussed in class sounded like being inside a giant kaleidoscope! I wont be testing it out for myself but it defiantly made me think.


I'm trying to keep my post short as i usually write so much it probably puts people off from reading. So....Why do people take drugs? Is there anything to be said for it?


I can only guess at the reasons people choose to take drugs, maybe;

1. pressure from peers


2. wanting to rebel


3. curiosity


4. depression, i.e. the wish to escape from reality


5. medical reasons

Again I cant say from experience if there is anything to be said for taking drugs but i would say that in cases where sufferers of MS choose to smoke cannabis in order to reduce symptoms, if successful then that is positive.

Talcum Powder is Poisoness?!

During our lecture on drugs I discovered something very worrying!

One of the guys in the group made a comment along the lines of, "drugs are not even that dangerous, its mostly what they are cut with that are dangerous, like...talcum powder"

Immediately i turned to the person next to me and frantically asked, "Is talc poisoness?", but they didn't understand me. Maybe i was talking too fast!

When i was much younger I ATE TALCUM POWDER :-(

I remember being about three or four years old and for some unknown reason eating talcum powder. The third occasion i tasted talc it had an unpleasant perfumed taste, kind of like when you accidentally get hairspray in your mouth (!!!! that's surely ridiculously bad for me too!) THANK GOD FOR WHO EVER INVENTED PERFUMED TALC! I could still be eating it today.

After researching all the possible damage i caused myself (ovarian cancer, respiratory difficulties) I had to see if there was anybody else who had tried talc before. Little did i know that there is a whole community out there and even a name for their condition. It's called 'Pica', coming from the latin word for magpie - a bird that has a reputation for eating anything. http://naturalmedicine.suite101.com/discussion.cfm/3432

So why did i eat it? I don't know! Apparently it is due to your body craving nutrients it is lacking, in particular iron, which in my case would make sense. It is embarrassing, i may have to take down the picture from my profile haha.

Not only has this class opened my eyes to the amount of bad people in the world doing 'bad' things, it has also taught me that talcum powder is likened to asbestos. I feel like i may as well go do a load of crack and try some of that stuff Gerry was talking about, because I have probably done more damage as a curious three year old than any of the above!

Body Modification

I have seen many talk shows where the topic of the show is 'body modification'. These usually show case the more extreme cases of body modification such as the man who is in the process of turning himself into a smurf, or people who have horns implanted under their skin. However, body modification also refers to cosmetic procedures such as breast implants, or religous practices such as circumsision.

It is defined as- "the permanent or semi-permanent deliberate altering of the human body for non-medical reasons".

I know i will probably get criticised for saying so, but in my opinion, people who opt to modify their bodies to the extreme do so out of a desire to be noticed. Think about it- have you ever seen a stunningly beautiful woman walk past with horns in her head and a split tongue? No. Because she doesnt need to do so in order to get attention.

For some reason it really annoys me when people claim they modify themeselves out of some profound meaning, and that they are expressing themselves. What they express to me is desperation.

People who have plastic surgery for non-medical reasons, do so in order to feel better about themselves, and i believe it is the same case with body modification.

One famous case is a lady known as ''The Bride of Wilderstein''. A woman who decided to modify herself using wild cats as her inspiration. The reason she did this was that she believed her cat-loving husband would find her more attractive were she more feline looking. She later found him in bed with a 19 year old Russian model.

Click to view the transformation of Jocelyn Wilderstein; http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/showbiz/showbiznews.html?in_article_id=516768

Part of the aim of our blogs is to delve into the reasons people behave a certain way, and if there is anything to be said for it. Whilst people who modify themselves to the extreme claim a load of rubbish about it being spiritual, I do think it is out of a desire not to blend in, to go from being plain to somebody who is noticed. They certainly get themselves noticed, but for the right reasons i would suggest not.

More Comments

https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=5231893691889761614&postID=3522027133073476047
"My parents also separated due to infidelity and it had a similar effect on me, in that i decided i would never do that to somebody.I sometimes wonder why it doesnt affect others in the same way. I know of people whos parents separated in similar circumstances to mine, but now choose to be unfaithful in thier relationships. One of whom has even said, "you do as you see" and, "i did'nt know any different in my house whilst growing up." - surely if you witness first hand the pain infidelity causes, it makes you think twice about inflicting that pain on a partner? It crossed my mind it may be to do with the sex of the parent that cheats, for example in my experience it was my mother, and so maybe it was easier for me to relate to and see a future image of myself that i never wished to fulfill. Perhaps i will do post on this. And as for the girls that found your bad boy friends reputation attractive...you touched on it, they think they can change him. Women are extremely competative, and the opportunity to succeed i.e change a bad boy into a good man, where other women have failed, is a challenge. We all want to be the one that was worth changing for."

http://sin-city-being-bad.blogspot.com/2008/04/comment-4.html
"Yes we do agree on some things! and as it happens we share the same star sign.I saw your field trip suggestion, Camden, London is a great idea. I went to Camden market for the first time last year, but i was with a friend and her friend who lives nearby. I wish i had been able to explore it by myself and for longer than an afternoon. I think it is the type of place that i could have experienced much more just by standing still and observing my surroundings. Being pushed from one sex shop to another...well once you have seen one latex gimp mask youve seen them all ;-D"

TATTOOS

I think this one is fairly controversial in terms as whether or not it should even be debated as being bad? Over the years tattoos have become more and more mainstream and i think for the most part that instead of viewing them as 'bad' people simply believe its not their cup of tea.


Personally i do not have any tattoos and have no plans to get anything done in the future. I don't have any piercings either as even when all my friends were getting their ears pierced, the idea of putting holes in my body and then decorating them always seemed a bit foreign to me. That's not to say i don't think it can look pretty, its just not something i would ever choose to do.


I think tattoos are something that somebody should think very carefully about, in my opinion they can look very tacky. Coincidentally i was just talking to somebody who told me they were planning to get a tattoo, she said she wanted a dolphin and when i asked her why, she responded, "i just like them.'' To me that sounded a little silly.. i like sweeties, but i would never want them permanently engraved on my body. Unless she was swept out in the ocean and a dolphin rescued her, it just doesn't seem to have enough meaning behind it, but that's just my opinion and hopefully she will be very happy with her tattoo.


Whilst i wouldn't want a tattoo myself, i have always loved the idea of having a husband with my name tattooed under his wedding band- just because i would like someone to love me that much!! :-)

My advice would be that if it means enough to you to tattoo it on your body right now, then it will mean enough in one, two, three years time.


Read about the woman who got paid $15k to tattoo her FACE with a casino company's name as an advertising device...http://www.theregister.co.uk/2005/07/01/casino_tattoos_womans_face/

Why do people steal?

My last post on theft focused on the homeless and why i can understand why in some circumstances people feel forced to steal in order to survive. However the homeless do not account for the majority of theft in the United Kingdom.

Some people even make a career out of shoplifting - personally i find that disgusting.

Even celebrities have been caught stealing- Winona Rider and her now infamous shoplifting spree, and more recently Wesley Snipes who has been found guilty of tax evasion. Some may not see this as stealing but according to the law it is.

I think the reason for this may be that celebrities are so used to being given everything and told how wonderful they are that they believe everything is theirs for the taking. On the other hand it could also be that they are tired of being controlled by managers, publicists and minders that they want to rebel. Another example of this could be Britney Spear's dramatic head shaving.

In today's society we revel in reading about the luxury lifestyles of the rich and famous, so there could be a 'well if you have it then i want it' mentality when it comes to some people who steal. This could be particularly attributed to the youth of today. Designer clothing and the latest mobile phones are pretty much status symbols. I've heard many people simply say, "I do it for the buzz."

I don't think there is anything to be said for stealing. I have heard people argue that the manufacturers and retailers make huge profits anyway so it is OK to steal, but they only raise the prices to cover the theft and then the paying public picks up the bill.

After hearing more and more in the news that food prices are continuing to soar and that many families are already struggling with rising mortgage, fuel and utility bills (- which alone have gone up by a staggering 13% since last year) I do wonder if the levels of 'petty theft' will rise.

SOURCE; http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2008/03/11/nprices111.xml

THEFT

At the beginning of the lecture we were asked to turn to the people sitting either side of us and give our opinions on theft. In my little group we discussed....


is stealing ever acceptable?
is petty theft still classified as theft?
have you ever stolen?


My feelings are that stealing is never acceptable, but in some circumstances i can sympathise with people who feel forced to steal. I have not stolen anything unless you count borrowing my sisters lip gloss until she demands i give it back.


The guy sitting next to me then asked me to explain what circumstances i would sympathise with somebody who stole. I wont give any names as even though he seemed extremely open about his past, i don't think it is necessary for me to put it out there. I explained that with regards to homeless people with an empty stomach and families to feed, i could understand, but not condone, why they would steal food and drink to keep them alive. (If it was hard liquor or cigarettes i would think differently.) However I also added that there are other options, for example soup kitchens, hostels and homeless shelters, and that if ever i found myself in that unfortunate situation that id like to believe i would seek help instead of stealing, but that i understood that sometimes its simply not possible. Soup kitchens and the like can only cater to so many people, and many hostels operate on a first come first served nightly basis. I always feel guilty when walking by a homeless person, even when i give them money or food. I know it's a very temporary fix for their ongoing problem. As a little girl i used to get out of my bed and lay on the wooden floor with my windows open because i felt bad that there were children out there sleeping rough when i had a whole bedroom to myself - i don't know if anybody else did that? maybe i was a strange child!


The guy sitting next to me then told me that he actually used to be homeless himself, and during that time he stole from shops in order to feed himself. He said that he knew it was wrong but that he didn't want to go hungry. I congratulated him on turning his situation around.


If you would like to make a donation to the Salvation Army; https://secure.salvationarmy.org/donations.nsf/donate?openform&t=GB_UKT

Stalking...?

During the module we also looked at the issue of stalking, and during the discussion found that individuals in the group differed on their opinion as to what exactly constitutes stalking. Personally i would define someone as a stalker if their obsession with another becomes their sole focus in life, to the detriment of all other areas, and/or their behaviour is making somebody uncomfortable.

I think for most of us, we know what behaviours are considered healthy and socially acceptable, and we learn what is considered to be 'crossing the line'. I do think there is a difference between people who are aware that their behaviour is unhealthy, and those that cannot see their behaviour is wrong, however i think both could fall into the stalker camp.

With regards to my own experiences of stalking...

I can think of a few people who have made me feel very uncomfortable, but i cant think of myself as being that special to warrant a stalker haha.

From the age of fourteen i lived by myself. The lack of parental restrictions imposed on most other people my age meant that i was free to go to clubs until silly o'clock in the morning. During one night out I met a guy who we will call....James. At the time i was 16. He began talking to me and out of politeness i chatted back. To this day i am unable to be rude and tell people to go away, so when i made my excuses to leave and he asked for my number, i didn't have the heart to say no, thinking in my head that he would probably forget about me in the morning. No sooner than i had walked back to my group of friends, i had a text message. Immediately i felt uneasy. I didn't respond to the message, or the five that followed.

The night came to an end and i went to get a taxi. Another message. "Look behind you." I did and surprise surprise there he stood grinning. I smiled politely and decided to wait inside the taxi office.

The next day I woke to more messages wishing me a good morning, the constant pet names ''sleepy head'' and ''sweetie'' made me cringe. I went to my history class at college and put my phone on silent mode, i expected a few texts and maybe a missed call by the time the lesson was up, but even i was surprised to see '47 missed calls' - in an hour and a half?!

There was also numerous text messages, one most memorable that said - ''I have to see you soon. I have made a CD just for you sweetie xxx''. That was a red flag if ever I've seen one! However more worrying were the messages that said he had got out of work early so that he could drive me home and was waiting outside college for me. To be honest i didn't really remember mentioning college to him the night before, unfortunately for me he obviously did.

I felt very uncomfortable and despite having the ''i can look after myself'' attitude that most young girls tend to have, i didn't want to be alone with him, particularly seen as it was evident through the following messages that he was becoming increasingly annoyed that i was not responding to him.

Luckily for me one of the closest friends i had made since starting college just happened to be a big body builder named Matt. He lead me through the back exit of the building and walked me home.

Over the next few days the messages continued. After a week i received a message along the lines of ''if i don't get in touch with you soon its because I'm going to hospital, i need an urgent operation on my heart, wish me luck''. Being 99% sure it was a ploy to get me to talk to him, i still couldn't help myself from replying ''i wish you the best of health'', after which he confirmed my suspicions by replying that he was fine and why i never answered his calls. I put it bluntly and said that he made me feel uncomfortable. He apologised and said he would leave me alone. He didn't, but the texts did slow down and eventually stopped. I can only assume that he got bored and transferred his affections to somebody else.

The experience shocked me for many reasons. Firstly I didn't think that i would ever find myself in a situation like that as i was under the impression that 'stalkers' were reserved for the rich and famous, for example the lovely Tyra Banks: http://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=4515997&page=1

As many other members of the group have pointed out in their blogs, stalkers are more often than not, not crazy fans, but ex partners or relatives of the person they are obsessed with.

This is extremely scary as if somebody i had only had one conversation with could cause so much uncomfort, i cant imagine what they could do with intimate details of my life, as well as addresses and phone numbers.

I also found it hard to contemplate that somebody would pursue someone off the back of a minor encounter.

In my case it worked out fine and i don't feel the experience with 'James' had any lasting negative effects on me, if anything it just added to my life experience and street smarts, but i can definately empathise with those who are subjected to more extreme forms of stalking.

Comments

I have made quite a few comments, some just random and not really worth posting but others that i will track down later.

RE; http://cant1touch1this.blogspot.com/index.html#8982854665589182330

"a children's play area where he was masturbating? maybe you should report that. Say he was just out walking (in shorts?!) and suddenly felt the need for a ...release, surely he would think 'hmm I'm in a field with children playing near by, i know how this could look wrong' and then move along to the next field. Sounds extremely dodgy. That's disgusting, I would be scarred for life had i witnessed that."
19 March 2008 20:21

Ghost-Riders (http://sin-city-being-bad.blogspot.com/) comment RE; http://kimberley19.blogspot.com/2008/03/so-our-first-lecture-introduced-us-to.html

"I believe I am the guy sitting next to you at the lecture and I have to say that I was very shocked by you as well. Imagine that ha? As I told you during the lecture and as you saw by your self, the world we live in it is not like you so innocently imagined it to be. The truth is that, if you take for example all living beings in the animal kingdom except for a couple, there isn’t a species that is monogamist. In fact, is because they mess around they have gain immunity to viruses; they involved and can survive and evolved like us through the centuries (this is scientifically proven by the way). Do you imagine what would happen if our few ancestors after the Ice Age will think, “Oh don’t have sex with different people because it’s immoral, cruel and insensitive…”? More likely we wouldn’t be here arguing. In contrast, I feel that sex is a good thing and by going in and out through erotic relationships and other such experiences, we eventually gain that experience, knowledge and awareness we need when the right person comes along; we are ready to identify, distinguish and embraced him/her into our very souls. You see, even I gave the impression that I am a bad person and most likely I am, I am also very romantic and sensitive. I believe that, somewhere out there, there is a better half for all of us but until we find it, unfortunately we will mistreat and be mistreated in some way."
09 April 2008 18:51



My response; https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=4505553593405000115&postID=2180497776454591696

"I was looking through other students blogs and saw my name haha.

Thank you for commenting on one of my posts.

I think you misunderstood what i was trying to get across. I have no problem with people sleeping with whomever they choose, and yes sex is essential for the human race to continue.

The only issue i have is with people who commit to one person and betray them with another.

Its funny that you feel the need to say 'sex is a good thing' and that erotic experiences that we gain through sex with various people, somehow make us better for the people we end up with. It really annoys me when faithful people are made out to be less sexual/ sexually adventurous than those who sleep around regardless of commitments to other people. Just because I am only sexual within a committed relationship does not mean i am any less experienced than somebody as above. I am the most sexual person i know, and having been to the infamous Torture Garden, there isn't alot i haven't seen. I'm very in touch with my sensuality, sexuality and femininity.

If in class you had said you had slept with 100 women, i wouldn't have thought a lot of it. It was only that you had been with another whilst somebody else thought you were being faithful to them that caused the reaction you got.

And by the way, I have no problem with animals sleeping around! but if daddy fox is telling mummy fox, " i love you, its just me and you" and then getting it on with some other fox, then i may have to reconsider :-)"
10 April 2008 15:24

Masturbation

OK for her...but not for her...?

The next topic we looked at during the Being Bad course was Masturbation. We looked at the origins of the word and then everyone took part in a group survey.

One thing that I observed during the lecture that i thought id write about is the reaction of the group to the more mature members of the group. I don't wish to make anybody feel uncomfortable if that applies to you, but i defiantly noticed a different reaction from the people around me. When younger members of the group spoke about masturbating, all i heard was quiet or laughing depending on what was said. However when the more mature women contributed to the discussion and gave their thoughts as to why women masturbate, people begun to laugh in a different way, almost sniggering. I saw people pulling faces to their friends that said "eww", or "too much information."

Is masturbation reserved for young people?


Thinking about it on the way home I couldn't think of any examples from films, books or television of an older person masturbating or talking about it. The stereotypical image seems to be a young, slightly nerdy guy playing with himself alone in his bedroom and then hiding the tissues behind his bed. The only example remotely relevant that sprung to mind were the women of Sex and the City.


The show, which made "The Rabbit" vibrator famous, featured 4 women who often spoke of sex and masturbation. I remember one show where one of the characters Samantha was complaining because the batteries to her vibrator had run out. The show was very popular, and still is, with a movie due out soon, so could be used to show that there isn't a prejudice about the older generation masturbating? However its my theory that this is only so because the women are portrayed as glamorous and sexy despite their age. They are also for the most part single and dating, living the lifestyle of somebody much younger.


Also, the book that the show is based on featured characters who were of the age of the women who appeared in the first series. As the show was re-commissioned each series, the characters had to get older. For example, Charlotte York's D.O.B. is listed as 14/07/1967, meaning in the pilot episode from 1998 she was only 31 years old. By the time the show ended in 2004, Charlotte would have been 37, and the other 3 women well into their forties, Samantha being almost. My point is, I don't know had the characters been introduced to us as the ages they were during the last series, if it would have been as acceptable or raised more eyebrows. I think there was a reason the author Candace Bushnell created characters in their thirties. http://www.annsummers.com/single.asp?gid=7&cat=2&pid=2409

It seems that in a society where the older generation having sex is a taboo, the older generation masturbating is an even bigger one.


I keep reminding myself to always address the reasons behind bad behaviour. I actually do not think masturbation is bad unless it takes over a persons life. Many of us begin experimenting at a young age, just look at our group survey results! This tells me that it is completely natural. Humans have natural urges...we need to eat, drink water, sleep, and in my opinion have sex. Masturbation is a form of sex, and there are benefits. For example, somebody who has a greater awareness of their body...where they enjoy being touched, what turns them on, and stimulates them sexually, is likely to be a much greater lover than somebody who lacks that awareness.


There is one other context in which i would say masturbation is bad, and that's illustrated perfectly in a story shared by Michelle in her blog that can be found here- http://cant1touch1this.blogspot.com/index.html#8982854665589182330

Masturbating in a public area in front of children playing can never be right, as i make clear in the comment i left.

Changing Attitude Toward Smoking

Personally I see nothing glamorous about smoking. I understand in the past that because aspirational characters and movie stars were pictured smoking, it was associated with glamour, but nowadays with the knowledge we have of the detrimental consequences it has on a) health, and b) a persons looks, i believe it no longer has the same image or appeal. Actually I think it's now mostly something smokers say to convince themselves their habit doesn't make them less attractive.



Supermodels are sometimes linked with smoking, i.e. "living on a diet of steak, champagne & cigarettes", as well as the whole 'heroin chic' look championed by... Kate Moss - enough said.

I therefore thought it was interesting that during series 9 of Americas Next Top Model, supermodel host Tyra Banks banned all contestants from smoking. On top of this she decided on a photoshoot for the girls based on the consequences of smoking. The girls were shown looking glamorous whilst smoking in front of a mirror. Their reflections in the mirror saw each girl depicting one of the consequences of smoking, for example premature ageing, chemotherapy, and throat cancer.

http://www.buddytv.com/articles/americas-next-top-model/americas-next-top-model-episod-11606.aspx

I think this reflects a changing attitude from the modelling industry. I started modelling last year (nothing high fashion I'm not skinny enough) and the message i hear is that smoking is a no no. Models now have more options as far as prolonging their career, it isn't all over at 25 anymore, so it is vital that they stay looking good long term.

Models and movie stars are figures many aspire to be like, so hopefully the connection between glamour and smoking will continue to fade.

My thoughts on Smoking...

Following infidelity we were asked to focus on smoking, but were told not to 'fret about health concerns'. !!!! I don't think i can do a post about my thoughts on smoking without including the health repurcussions for those who smoke themselves, or who are exposed to smoke by others.

What we were asked to consider...

-what makes smoking so attractive as a pursuit? (matter of opinion)
-to understand the continued fascination with smoking

In my mind, smoking is a disgusting habit and about as far from attractive as possible. I can't think of a bigger turn off than if a man was a smoker. The bad breath, yellow fingers, premature ageing, rough skin and stained teeth are one thing, but the real reason i find it a turn off is because to me smoking is a sign of weakness. I have a very difinitive idea as to what qualities make up a real man. Men should be strong in mind, spirit and stature. The thought of a man not having the willpower or inner strength to kick the habit, sends the message to my brain that he is weaker than i am and so doesnt fulfil my image of a man. He therefore wouldnt be anybody i could see myself with.

If anybody reading is thinking something along the following lines, "Some people are not addicted to smoking, they just choose to smoke." - This doesnt change me finding it a turn off, if somebody is not addicted to smoking but does it out of choice despite being aware of the health consequences, that is equally unattractive.

Interestingly, number one on http://www.artofseductions.com/top-100-things-that-attract-women-to-men/ in the list of the top 100 things that attract women to men is-
Clear, beautiful and healthy looking eyes.
because...... Eyes provide an insight on the level of health of the individual, and healthy eyes indicate a healthy mate.

Evolutionary theories suggest that we are more attracted to people whom we consider to be healthy. I think this also plays a part in smoking being such an immense turn off to me. According to the theory, we are more likely to be attracted to those we view as the most healthy, as we believe healthy genetics will be passed on to our offspring. Other areas of the theory inlude the idea that we are attracted to people we deem similar to ourselves. The one blog i came across in which the writer felt smoking was attractive, was a smoker, so perhaps this explains that.

I have personally never tried smoking, and honestly do not believe i ever will. My boyfriend also has never tried smoking, so this would reinforce the evolutionary theory.
Something else I have heard that i thought was worth mentioning, is that girls often are attracted to men who remind them of their father. I have never seen my dad smoke, and to my knowledge he hasnt ever been a smoker, so this too may explain why some people find smoking attractive whilst others do not.
Read more on Evolutionary Theories with regards to attraction at: http://thescotsman.scotsman.com/ViewArticle.aspx?articleid=2579271

I don't wish to judge anybody that smokes, i just personally dont view it as attractive for the reasons listed above. I believe in freedom of choice for the individual, but often smoking effects non-smokers too. For example, a pregnant woman that smokes does not give their unborn child freedom of choice.

I am glad the smoking ban was introduced, mostly because i used to work in bars and restaurants between the ages of 14 and 17, and during that time i will have been exposed to many of the dangers of smoking. I'm glad that people in that situation now, won't experience the same dangers, whether they are smokers or non-smokers.

During this post i have suggested scientific reasons as to why smoking could be deemed attractive and explain the fascination behind it, but i will later look at factors such as marketing and the perception of smokers through out history.

Infidelity & the WWW PART 2

I thought i would make a post about my personal experiences of infidelity, and it just so happens they all revolve around the Internet, so i created a part 2.
My parents divorced due to an affair that begun via the Internet. I could type out the history of family but i think the post i made on Laura's blog sums up everything i wish to say:
http://lauramalyckyj.blogspot.com/2008/03/ph1000-second-entry.html

"My parents also separated due to infidelity and it had a similar effect on me, in that i decided i would never do that to somebody.I sometimes wonder why it doesn't affect others in the same way. I know of people whose parents separated in similar circumstances to mine, but now choose to be unfaithful in their relationships. One of whom has even said, "you do as you see" and, "i didn't know any different in my house whilst growing up."- surely if you witness first hand the pain infidelity causes, it makes you think twice about inflicting that pain on a partner?It crossed my mind it may be to do with the sex of the parent that cheats, for example in my experience it was my mother, and so maybe it was easier for me to relate to and see a future image of myself that i never wished to fulfill. Perhaps i will do post on this. And as for the girls that found your bad boy friends reputation attractive...you touched on it, they think they can change him. Women are extremely competitive, and the opportunity to succeed i.e change a bad boy into a good man, where other women have failed, is a challenge.We all want to be the one that was worth changing for."

N.B. If anybody reads my blog do you think you could help me with something, are we supposed to leave our comments on other peoples, or post them in our own blogs...or both? Just I've noticed people doing both and I was wondering how our comments will be tracked if we just leave them on others pages. Thank you xX

My experiences of the Internet in terms of social networking...
I hate all social networking sites, mostly due to the desperation of many people on them, too many trying to portray a 'sexy' image with slutty pictures and provocative answers to silly questions. Therefore I don't have any profiles on them, but in the occasional visits i made into chat rooms whilst in school, i really did find that 99% of the people that messaged me had sexual intentions/ motivations. I actually cannot remember anybody that wanted to just chat with me, if you catch my drift. I think at the time i was a little young to realise just how dangerous a place the Internet can be.

You can report anything/anybody offensive or suspicious online through http://www.thinkuknow.co.uk/
Kimberley

Infidelity and the World Wide Web PART 1

During my last post (on infidelity) i came across a site listing statistics regarding cheating and couldn't help but notice the number that revolved around the Internet.
The entire list can be found here...http://www.menstuff.org/issues/byissue/infidelitystats.html, but i have selected those relevant to the post...

Up to 37% of men and 22% of women admit to having affairs. Researchers think the vast majority of the millions of people who visit chat rooms, have multiple "special friends”.

Only 46% of men believe that online affairs are adultery. DivorceMag

80% think it's OK to talk with a stranger identified as the opposite sex. 75% thinks it's OK to visit an adult site.

One-third of divorce litigation is caused by online affairs.

Approximately 70% of time on-line is spent in chat rooms or sending e-mail; of these interactions, the vast majority are romantic in nature.Because of the anonymity, affordability, and accessibility of Internet sexual resources, the computer can accelerate the transition from "at risk" to "addicted," as well as the progression of sex addiction in those with a history of prior sexual compulsivity.

8-10 percent of Internet users become hooked on cybersex.

Spouses who get hooked on Internet porn are a growing complaint among spouses filing for divorce, according to a survey of 350 divorce attorneys. "If there's dissatisfaction in the existing relationship, the Internet is an easy way for people to scratch the itch,".

57% of people have used the Internet to flirt.

38% of people have engaged in explicit online sexual conversation and 50% of people have made phone contact with someone they chatted with online.

Evidence proves there is a high correlation between on-line infidelity and subsequent real-time sexual affairs.

31% of people have had an online conversation that has led to real-time sex.

Even more shocking is that these statistics are from some years ago and due to the increase of people with access to the Internet over the last ten years, these figures surely will have shot up too.

The introduction of numerous social networking sites, for example MySpace founded in August 2003, have made communicating online more accessible and mainstream.
MySpace is now the fifth most popular website in the world, and the third most popular in the United States.

Tila Tequila - Most popular friend on MySpace

Even more worryingly, (for us in the U.K.) according to this article http://www.comscore.com/press/release.asp?press=1801 U.K. social networking site usage is the highest in Europe.

The following suggests explanations for the rise in ''online infidelity''...http://www.netaddiction.com/articles/cyberaffairs.htm but these are my own thoughts...
The Internet provides anonymity and so takes away much of the risk of infidelity being exposed. In the case of cybersex, two people can communicate, use each other to reach sexual gratification, and then never communicate again. The statistics show that cybersex often leads to a physical affair, either with somebody first 'met' online, or somebody else. This may be down to the fact that if they can get away with it online, the possibility of getting away with it in person because more realistic. Cybersex is often a stepping stone to further infidelity, maybe because the person gets a buzz from the online infidelity and believes it will be stronger during a physical affair. Of course the possibility of the person developing romantic feelings for the person online who they initially viewed as only for sexual purposes, could account for part of the percentage.

The greater number of people online, the popularity of social networking, and the dominance of technology in our society (many of us use computers at work, at school, at university) mean online sexual encounters are more likely to occur.

I also think that the accessibility of pornography and sexually stimulating material online is a factor. Those viewing such material are likely to become aroused, and cybersex is then more likely to follow.

During the course we are asked to explore the reasons behind 'being bad', in terms of 'cybersex' I think the most likely reasons are that it is easy, readily accessible, and allows the person to express desires/ fantasies that maybe they don't feel comfortable doing so with their/a real life partner. Perhaps even some desires that are not socially acceptable and so wouldn't want to be identified as having.

INFIDELITY

Our second lecture, taken by Meena, moved on to infidelity and we were asked to consider the following...

What kinds of 'being bad' are involved in infidelity?
lying?
scheming/ being calculating?
keeping up false appearances?
selfishness?
hypocrisy?
taking risks?
using others vulnerabilities to our own advantages?
being weak IE. giving in to temptation and desires?

What do you consider infidelity to be?
talking romantically/sexually with somebody online?
a friendship with somebody of the opposite sex?
fantasising/ having romantic feelings for someone besides your partner?
sexual contact or intercourse with somebody other than your partner?
a kiss?

Personally, all of the bullet points listed under 'What kinds of 'being bad' are involved in infidelity', i would agree with.

Infidelity is defined in the dictionary as the following-

Dictionary - infidelity - 3 entries.1.Noun - Want of faith or belief in some religious system; especially, a want of faith in, or disbelief of, the inspiration of the Scriptures, of the divine origin of Christianity. 2.Noun - Unfaithfulness to the marriage vow or contract; violation of the marriage covenant by adultery.3.Noun - Breach of trust; unfaithfulness to a charge, or to moral obligation; treachery; deceit; as, the infidelity of a servant.

SOURCE - http://www.dictionary.co.uk/browse.aspx?word=infidelity

Definition 2 would suggest that infidelity is only capable of being committed within a marriage, and i know of a few people who share those sentiments, that it is okay to be promiscuous outside of a marriage but once married it is no longer acceptable. My thoughts on this are that if you are comfortable with the guilt and possible conflicting of pain on a partner, and are used to having your cake and eating it prior to marriage, you won't change just because you make a partner your husband or wife.

The third definition includes 'unfaithfulness to a moral obligation', which would suggest that it is up to the individual to decide what their moral obligation(s) is/are before they can determine what is deemed as infidelity.

My own feelings regarding infidelity is that although we sometimes can not help having thoughts or feelings about someone whilst in a relationship with another, we can decide how we act or respond to those thoughts or feelings.

I would consider any physical contact between my partner and somebody else, for example a kiss, as being unfaithful. Circumstances such as my partner say dancing provocatively with somebody else, i wouldn't consider as them being unfaithful, but it would lead me to question their faithfulness and intentions and lead to a break up of the relationship anyway. Similarly, if a partner confessed to having romantic feelings for somebody else, i wouldn't say they had committed infidelity, but i would feel betrayed and see it as a sign of a something wrong in the relationship, again leading to a break up.

Overall I think it is extremely important to discuss boundaries and expectations when going into a relationship with another.

An interesting list of statistics concerning infidelity rates and peoples definitions of infidelity - http://www.menstuff.org/issues/byissue/infidelitystats.html

Kimberley

Introduction to Being Bad PH:1000

So our first lecture introduced us to the course to come and included some confessions from the group as we delved into 'bad things we have done'.....

I WAS SHOCKED!!!

I was about to add that i do not mean to cause offence to anybody if i mention one of the confessions that were from you personally, but i could not care less - you are BAD BAD BAD.

As the guy sitting next to me found out, had you had confessed such sins to me one to one, i would have condemned you to your faces!!

This lesson seriously left me feeling disappointed with the human race, not just simply due to the selfish deeds i was hearing of, but at how funny some people found them. This was only added to when i read the notes on WOLF following the lecture. If i had been crazy enough to throw a firework into somebodies home, i wouldn't be telling anybody about, i would have admitted myself into a mental institution. If you did it for a joke then you have one diseased sense of humour, and if it was out of hatred, you need help, it's extremely unhealthy to hate somebody that much.

The statistic that shocked me the most was that at least 18 people in the group had been unfaithful in one way or another. I will definitely commit a whole other post to this, but I have one word for all the girls who have either slept with their best friends partner, or with their partners best friend - INSECURE. Don't try make yourself feel better by going after something your friend has, and don't try to reassure yourself that yes you are desirable by seducing your mans friend.

Hopefully I havnt come across too judgemental, but my confession paper spoke for itself! Check out my innocence score on ...http://www.teentoday.co.uk/quizzes/angeldevilquiz/results.php or take the test for yourself at... http://www.teentoday.co.uk/quizzes/angeldevilquiz/

Field Trip - suitably bad place or event...

I have been asked to come up with a suggestion for a field trip as part of the Being Bad module, in keeping with the module it must be a 'suitably bad place or event.'
I struggled to come up with a suggestion that fits the brief and would be enjoyable but have come to the conclusion that visiting a prison would be a suitable end to the Being Bad course, after all that's where being bad will often get you!

http://www.hmprisonservice.gov.uk/prisoninformation/locateaprison/prison.asp?id=578,15,2,15,571,0